Paint Chips and Infidelity

Dear S.B.T.,

I have a two part question I hope you can help me with. One, I think my girlfriend of four years has been cheating on me and I don’t know what to do about it. I mean I still love her and all, but the thought of her being with another man makes me mad as hell. I’ve found condoms in her purse and there has been several hotel rooms billed to our credit cards. I think her friends even lie about where she is when I talk to them. What should I do?

Two, how do I tell if I have oil paint in my bathroom?

Please help me, I hate that color.

Sincerely; In need of some color.




Yo, In need of some color,

First things first, put pin holes in every one of those condoms, that’ll teach her. Next cancel all your credit cards. If she wants to fuck, let her do it in the alley behind Home Depot. After that, find one of her friends that have been lying to you about his whereabouts. Make sure she has a boyfriend of her own, and fuck her. Doesn’t matter how you accomplish this, just do it, and do everything you’ve ever wanted to do to a woman but thought it “not nice”. Then call her boyfriend and tell him all about it. Tell him everything. Even if he kicks your ass, it will be worth the message to the others. After all that, take all of her shit from the house, put it on the front lawn, and burn it. To finish up, start dating one of her single friends. This will serve two purposes. One, it will piss off your ex for a long time and two; the new girlfriend will know never to fuck around on you my friend.

As for your second question. Put some Acetone on a cloth and rub the wall. Acetone is a colorless mobile flammable liquid with melting point at −95.4 °C and boiling point at 56.53 °C. It has a relative density of 0.819 (at 0 °C). It is readily soluble in water, ethanol, ether, etc., and itself serves as an important solvent. The most familiar household use of acetone is as the active ingredient in nail polish remover. Acetone is also used to make plastic, fibers, drugs, and other chemicals. If the color does not come off… you’ve got an oil buddy.

Cheers, S.B.T.